Six-year-old Moments

It is sometimes easy to forget that Geek Girl is really only six ("six and a little more, almost six and a half, Daddy!"), but yesterday afternoon reminded us of it in a big way...

I left work early and we decided to go to the Zoo yesterday, when it was relatively cool and dry, rather than tomorrow when it is supposed to be 95 F and "oppressively humid". (Note: we have been told that when the local weather guys say "oppressive", any normal person would say "why am I living here again?" and stay in the A/C all day.) Geek Girl was initially excited by the idea, and then Six Year Old Moment #1 popped up and she played every stalling tactic in the world to not leave home to get there. Eventually, we more or less had to drag her out the door and carry her down to the car. Grumble.

Once on the Metro, things were relatively good until we had the Kicking the Seat in Front Crisis, followed shortly thereafter by the This Train is too hot Crisis. Once we got past those and arrived at the Woodley Park stop, all was OK until we reached the This Very Gentle Uphill Slope is too Steep Crisis and its partner in crime, the I Have to Walk on Every Wall, Curb, Planter, and Other Flat Surface That Isn't the Sidewalk Crisis. These collectively made up Six Year Old Moments #2 through #27 and kept us occupied until we reached the Zoo.

Finally some time of relaxation -- whee, the cheetahs came out! We learned that cheetahs cover 23 feet (7 meters) in a single stride at top speed, go from zero to 45 MPH in 2.5 seconds, and can top out at about 30 meters/sec (65-70 mph) for short distances. We also learned that Geek Girl tops out at about 3 meters/sec. We also visited the giant and red pandas, elephants, prairie dogs, zebras, and various other animals. And the misters set out to keep folks cool. And the Tiger Treats snack stand for a soft serve ("Daddy, this is not ice cream, so this doesn't count against ice cream for the day." Nice try, dear. Six Year Old Moment #28 and counting - but at least that was a good one.)

We had about 90 minutes of peace before it was time to slog up the hill on the way home.

Now, I use "slog" advisedly here. To be fair, the far end of the National Zoo is down a fairly long steep grade into the bottom of the Rock Creek watershed. To get back, you have to go up and there isn't really any easy way to get a whiny, hot, tired, whiny, and hot six year old back up the hill but to grit your dang teeth and do it. Did I mention she was whiny, tired, and hot? How do we know that? Because, Six Year Old Moments #29 through #856 happened on the way up the hill: "I'm hot." "I'm tired." "I'm hot." "I'm tired." Yes, dear, we heard you the first 800 times. We've also suggested many solutions to the problem, and you didn't want to use them. So, enough with the hot and tired bit, OK? Yeesh. (I know, I know, she's six, and she whines. But man-oh-man, was this in the winner class for her...) Can you hear the teeth gritting?

Finally at the top and heading for the Metro. Now comes the choice: baseball game or straight home? Geek Girl wants baseball game, but she is also six (did I mention she's six?) which means baseball games sometimes get boring for her. And in the prizewinning mood we had last night, we decided we needed to consider that one carefully. So we told her: If you stop whining, and start doing what we ask, we can go to the game. "OK, Daddy!"

Now, here, you should start hearing ominous music, perhaps something like the Toccata and Fugue or maybe the theme to the Terminator, because I'm sure you see what's coming next.

Six Year Old Moments #857 through #998 involve Geek Girl not ending the whining and not doing what we told her to do. #999 involves refusing to get up off the floor of the Columbia Park Metro station. Moment #1000 was total meltdown at the L'Enfant Plaza Metro station - crying, running away from both of us, kicking Daddy when he retrieves Crying Six Year Old. Quite the scene.

Needless to say, we did not go to the baseball game - we went home. Which led to The Crying on the Train Crisis and the I'm Really Angry and Going to Make Huffing Sounds for 15 Minutes Crisis and finally to the I Am Now Going to Admit What Daddy and Mama Have Known for the Past Hour Which is That I'm Actually Tired, Not Just Whiny Tired Crisis, which was resolved by the Daddy Carries Me to the Car While I Rest and Cry on His Shoulder Maneuver.

Thus endeth the Crises for the day.

In the end, the only thing that we could do was laugh -- grimly -- and I enjoyed running the following bit of dialogue from Vacation through my head (RIP, John Hughes):

Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f*cking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our g*dam* smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your....

Sorry, this is meant to be a family blog, after all.

OK, so lessons learned. Geek Girl really is still only six and can be a world-class whiner. Daddy Geek needs to start drinking heavily or at least visit the doctor for meds that change whining into bluebirds and sunshine. Mama Geek has patience beyond that of mortal mothers. Or maybe she already has those meds and I just need to find them.